I don't think the stars
Have ever shined so bright
As that one night with you
That seems so long ago

The flow in this stanza is perfect-- no need to change it! I love the second line, very creative.

We were so in love
Yet broken on the inside
Who would have thought
We'd end up falling apart

For this stanza you might consider taking away the words 'on the' from the second line. It might improve the flow. Also, you could take out 'end up' from the last line and change 'falling' to 'fall'.

I remember like it was yesterday
It was just me and you
My heart beat my love for you
But my mind kept telling me 'no'

The two 'yous' seem quite repetitive, but you could switch around 'me' and 'you' in the second line to fix that. The flow in this stanza is perfect.

I never wanted to fall in love
I didn't want to ever care
But everything changed that night
That our love was shared

This stanza confuses me-- I think you could improve the clarity by moving 'ever' in the second line between 'don't' and 'want'. Also, I'm not sure if this is what you wanted to say, but you could add 'night' after the word 'that in the last line.

But now that night is just a memory
Clouded by hate and deceit
Watching the stars fade away
And admitting our love's defeat

Perfect! My favorite stanza!

It was fate that brought us together
Yet we were destined to fall apart
But I'll always look to that night
And know you still have my heart

Hmm.. I don't want to change too much when I review this, but I think you could change 'still have' to 'kept' and improve the flow a bit. Other than that, this is also a good stanza.

Anyways, I hope I haven't offended you with all this, just trying to help. It really is a good poem, and the advice I've said shouldn't change the meaning at all, just improve the flow a bit. Nice job!

Beautiful sad penned you potray here, writing well with beautiful emotions, there are nothing else to say, all is said... well done!

Heeeello =)
I thought this was a good poem all in all.
But my favourite part had to be
[But now that night is just a memory
Clouded by hate and deceit
Watching the stars fade away
And admitting our love's defeat] --Wowee.

That really made the poem for me!
The flow was off at places but still a good poem. I liked how you ended it. Sad but true. Well dones. =)

Very sad poem! Loads of emotians included in it. I like your first stanza. It written really well! Keep them up! xx

Awww... how sad yet sort of sweet... i felt the emotions you portrayed here... it had a nice delivery... the flow was great and i loved your last stanza!! hmm... thats all i can say about this poem... it left me almost speechless... because if i was speechless... then there would be no comment... haha! :p keep writing!

~angel~

So true i really can relate to this poem sometimes i dont know if im wasting my life away with my possesive bf but i love him trapped thats me lol i do love his company though xxx alex xxx

Ok, very very sad. Everything flowed great and great choice of wording in this one too. You're a very talented writer and you described things in your poems very well. 5/5 Keep it up! Thx for the comment too! :)

This poem reminds me of my boyfriend and I.
It's beatuiful

Your poems are so great, you have an adorable talent, keep writing as i really enjoy reading them, another 5/5 from me.