Shaking

Shaking, shaking
Why the hell am I shaking?
Every joint quivers like a leaf in the wind
I am so weak
I cant even defend myself

My heart
I think its healing
Its so strange
So foreign, this lack . . .,
But lack of what?
Feeling
Pain
Connection . . . ?
I dont feel that pull to him
He broke my heart
Ever since I have feared losing him
Now I dont even call him
He is still my dearest friend
Am losing my friend as well as an ex.?

Will he let me go?
I feel so lost
I dont know what to do
Run? Like always
Fear kicks in telling me things I dont want to hear
Memories flood in telling me how it was
How perfect how wonderful he was
That was the past it is over now
Nothing can be perfect forever
Perfection kills in the end

Still shaking, mind racing

Can I trust him?
I dont know much about him
I cant lean on him
Its to much no one yet has been able to handle it
Itâ??s to much I cant even handle it
Why should I ask another?
I wont! Not again
Slowly . . . ever so slowly
I will try to hold on to my sanity
I will get closer
Learn more
Perhaps he can handle it

Still shaking . . . still weak
Still fighting . . . forever fighting?