Your memories
by kamal Oct 25, 2006
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The sudden loud noise |
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Latest Comments
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18 years ago
by Dumpstead
Kamal,
The three things I want to tell you is Punctuate, Punctuate and then again punctuate your poem. The poem would make for wonderful reading if only you would punctuate it.
The second most important thing is the title should have read" Memories of You." and definitely not "Your memories".
Apart from these, yes the flow is good, the details in place, vision is complex but yet interesting and gripping, vocabulary is good but phrasing is quite complex hence takes time to read.
One thing that I want to suggest is that the beginning line of the sixth stanza "The sudden smile" implies an event tha ttriggers your memories yet again like the other stanzas; but the cliche is that the event of a sudden smiling of someone should be in the close surroundings of the narrator for himt o notice it and react upon it.However, all the other event occuring at the begninng of other stanzas are out of the boundary of the Vision of the poem itself and have only a vague impression reaching the narrator. This puts off the conceptual integrity of th poem. So I suggest to replace that particular event and hence the line with something similar to the other events narrated in the poem. -
18 years ago
What I loved about this poem was the word choice, it was an excellent one. At least, that's what I think.
The message of your poem is not really specific, but I think that works sometimes. And this time it did. I would have liked some hints of something specific though.
About the rhyming, I'm not sure about it. Personally, I used to write all my poems with rhyme. But then I tried not rhyming and I think it worked quite well for me. You should try it.
I hope this is helpful or meaningful to you. And I hope to hear from you soon.
Thanks for commenting on my poem.
Good job! 5/5
Keep writing.
XoXo
Gaby
