The Lies My heart Told Me

Why did I get brought into this life?
All it is is filled with strife
My friends deserted me
all I want is to be free.

My father pretends I don't exsist
ignores my calls-you get the gist
To him I am all but dead
he wishes for a son instead.

My friends were untrue
I'm lost, don't know what to do
and the one I loved the most
in Hell wishes I'd roast.

I made new friends, I did
But now my emotions are hid
I want to trust them, I do
But I don't know how to-not got a clue.

My trust was destroyed and diminished
My life as I knew it was finished
People thought I was arrogant cause I was so cold
But I was simply doing what my heart told.

It told me not to trust
It told me this was just
It told me not to care
I'd get hurt if I were to dare.

It told me to lie
and to make others cry
For i were to make others cry
I wouldn't get hurt and have to say goodbye.

It told me to be cold
It told me to be cruel
it told me not to let myself
Get taken for a fool.

It told me to be sarcastic
It told me to be rude
It told me to treat love
as something really crude.

So I did what it told me
thinking I was free
I played games with everyone
But the pain hadn't even begun.

I fell in love
but I'd already lied
Too many times to count
I sat down and cried.

So many times I wanted to tell the truth
So many times I wanted to admit
But I kept the truth hidden
and now I'm stuck in this awful pit.

I played him for a fool for so long
even though I knew it was wrong
I lied and made him cry
Now it's my turn to want to die.

He was a good man
but he turned and ran
when he realized the lies
he waved goodbye.

I can never atone for what I've done
This battle is one less won
I can never erase the hurt I made
In my shell I quickly fade.

I'm love's devil in disguise
Telling hurtful lies
All I did was listen to my heart
but in the end it tore me apart.

Eternally sorry I will always be
Please free me from this misery
I thought my heart was protecting me
but to me it lied, now I see.

It made me cold and cruel
Now I'm just love's fool
It made me lie and lie
it even made me cry.

My heart wasn't true to me
It played a game with me
If only he could see
This isn't how I wanted to be.

So now I'll stay with my untrue heart
The last thing I thought that could rip me apart.