Something I Wrote For You

Papa,
All the memories are in a swirl of clouds above my head.
They're still binded with my heart.
Nothing on Earth can change the way I feel now that you're gone.
Something is missing.
No one will be able to feel this void.
I miss you.
Looking back on the past and then remembering the present causes me to cry.
When you left, something in my head told me things were never going to return to normal.
The day of your death, someone told me we're all going to be lost without you.
That's true.
I've never believed anything to be more true than that.
We are lost because you're not here.
You were always the one to brighten everyone's day.
There's something in these tears I cry that I can't quite recognize.
Pain?
Fear?
Loneliness?
Love?
I believe it's all of those.
Pain deep within my heart because you've left an empty space.
Fear of not knowing that when I go I'll be with you.
Loneliness because I no longer have you by my side.
Love of you and everything you do.
I miss you like crazy.
And I think I'm driving myself crazy dealing with it.
After you died, the next few times I came to your house, I looked in the bedroom to see if you were sleeping, not remembering the cruel deed this world carried out.
People kept telling you were in a better place and I really think so, too.
I hated seeing you suffering like you did.
I just wanted to tell you that I love you.