This is a really good poem, and i loved the fact that in such a short space you created such an amazing tension between the reader. it was truly inspiring. just a lil help... the second from last line you wrote 'were' i think it needs an apostrphy..'we're'. other than that 5/5 keep it up.
Please could you read and comment on some of my poems, i would love to hear from you. Thanks...Kirsty