Great write. I don't know what ur deeper meaning is, but the meaning i get from this i can definitely relate to. =)

Ur rhyme is a little forced, and ur flow could be better in places, but overall, wonderful content, well done. =)
keep writing, i've read quite a few of yours now, and most of them are beautiful. =)
xxx

Good Poem. And Whatever The "deeper meaning" to it is, i think i can relate to. Once Again, You Should Work On The Rhyme Scheme A Bit More. And The Flow Was A Bit Off. But Overall, Your Poetry Has Great Meaning And Is Easy To Relate To.

5/5

*~*Paulette*~*

Hey great poem, well done with the rhyming, especially the first stanza, but in so places some of the flow was abit jumpy.
well done anyways, excellent poem.
Love Mel

Nice Job.

Little Errors-
`That this girl really was blessed.
i think really should be replaced with truly
`things- not the best of descriptive words...

The Good-
`Salty tears drop from her eyes,
`Unable to completely disguise,
`What she feared deep inside;
`When no one was there to confide.
i love this stanza, it makes me want to read, the flow is great here, its like a runon, but it works wonderfully!

Finally, when she gave in,
When she had fallen apart within,
Those wings that were so white and pure,
Would never again be cured.
this is so beautiful its like the beginning, it works wonderfully. this poem reminds me of my poem 'peper wings'.

the Not-so-Good-
`Words she cannot speak,
`Come out with critique.
`Her life torn totally apart,
`Started from the ripping of her heart.
the 2nd line seemed to short, and in the 3rd- totally didnt fit, it reminds me of Toootally dude, or something, also line 4 was too long and seemed slightly forced

`She found out what life was like,
`With those many people who like to strike.
`The wings that the dear Lord gave her,
`Started to become a white blur.

to me this stanza doesnt really make sense, the second line, i was like huh? strike? like at work? also the last 2 line seemed slightly forced again, i think because the 3rd ended with her,m and the last line was too short.

Overally a Very Good Poem,,. i always make it seem not good when i critique them this way, lol. but i show everything bad, and not much thats good, haha butreally it was beautiful.

5\5

x.x:Lauren

Now I do believe that this is one of the best poems that I have read of yours. Bravo! If you keep writing poems like this you'll be in my favorites in no time. I only saw one error that I think you should correct. In the third stanza:

That this girl really was blessed.

I think that you should chang really to the word truly it will sound much better then. Other then that I love it. I think that you painted a perfect picture, the rhyming was beautiful, and it flowed wonderfully. I really loved the last stanza, because the message in it was so strong.

Finally, when she gave in,
When she had fallen apart within,
Those wings that were so white and pure,
Would never again be cured.

I love that stanza! You have done a brilliant job here and if you keep writing wonderful pieces like this, I will be here to read them.

Keep up the excellent writing hun! You have a wonderful talent that I can truly see through work like this. 5/5

Love
Letty

Well people already gave you an indepth comment. I'm just going to say that yes some parts were akward but the first stanza was hooking as was the final: Was it that life tainted her so bad she would not feel pure?

I really have no criticism of the rhyme scheme at all. The metaphors appear to be easily understood. The poetic license allows a poet to phrase things unusually to make a point

As far as improvement I would feel more comfortable with the last lines

Those wings that were so white and pure,
Would never again be cured.

Those wings that were so white and pure,
Never again to accept a cure

If I got really nitpicky I would change .

The wings that the dear Lord gave her,
Started to become a white blur
To
The wings that the dear Lord gave her,
Increasingly became a white blur

That way no one would accuse you of overusing the word started

I will gladly give it a 5 as is

Awesome poem! I really liked your rhymes and imagery. Good work! 5/5

I really liked this. I thought it was very well written and i liked the flow and imagery.

I love this poem. Just the way that you wrote it was truly amazing and the story behind it. I don't exactly understnad the deeper meaning, but maybe that's because it's personal? But either way this was an amazing poem. It seems very well thought out. The flow and rhythm was great and really held up well throughout the poem. Great job on this! 5/5

Wow.... amazing poem, great work, The imagery was really good, great mental pictures.

The flow was great!

I dont know but it seemed to have a personal message to it....?

Your rhymes were really good, and you have a great use of vocab!

definatly 5/5/ from me

~Murder.

I think i know what its about and i like it good job

+.+ It is a very beautiful poem. It makes you think about the deeper meaning, what's happening and all that. I think that nearly every person would see it a different way. How/what were you trying to say/show us?? Lol. Also see my new poem ShE's SiLeNtLy, I would really appreciate it. A very lovely poem. +.+

Hey you should read some of my poems, like living corpse and other ones. lol.

I like your poem. when I read the first line, I was curious about how it would end. I don't know or understand the deeper meaning of the poem but I think it's great.

I liked it! 5/5

Very nice poem..i think i can see the deeper meaning in this but would rather not say cause if i go in the completely wrong direction it would be quite sad and embarrassing,..but..i thought the flow was just a bit too fast for this type of poem, otherwise it was very well written:)

I like this poem if you think about it, it can have a fairly deep meaning
awesomeness

Awh, wow. That was really dark hun! I loved it. The flow wasn't perfectly smooth but it still worked well. The descriptions created great imagery and a very dark picture in my mind. Wonderful job 5/5

This is such a good peom.. i liked it and the emotional quality it had... thank you for sharing your personal work with the world.