SELF MUTILATION

The feeling is so depressing
Just knowing ill never be good enough
Or fit into goals that were set for me
Knowing that I am a disappointment
Forces me to these drastic measures
I used to self-mutilate but I stopped for a few months
Well now things turned bad again
I started back right away
This time it seems like the urges are stronger
I am doing other things
My self mutilation is back again
But along with it I have a drug addiction
I pop pills everyday, just hoping they will make me feel better
Cigarettes are my other addiction, to help calm me down
My body shakes uncontrollably without the things I need
Some nights I am forced to stay awake
Due to the urges, and cravings I have
But that does not stop me
Everything just keeps getting harder
The stress seems to be coming all at once
I can not put up with this much longer
The Weight of the world is on my shoulders
And I feel my body collapsing
The guilt I feel, for not being what my mother wants
Makes me feel like I deserve to feel this way
I always manage to mess the easiest things up
Just knowing I failed again, makes me want to hurt myself even more
At night when everyone drifts slowly into sleep
I am sitting awake contemplating running away, or killing myself
I have tried 7 times, every time I failed
Just like everything else I try to do, and always end up failing
Well now I found something I am good at
Self Mutilation makes me feel renewed, so alive
I know I did not fail as soon as the feeling in my body comes back
And as I see the crimson colored blood flowing out from the fresh cut
For these are the times, I feel so accomplished
Because I did not Fail, I feel alive, which is what I was trying to accomplish.

(about me)