The cause of these tears

by lexie   Oct 28, 2006


I don't know how much more i can take,
i love you more each and everyday,
but babe the way you hurt me,
the way you make me cry,
i just cant take this anymore,

you were suppose to be there for me,
when she was yelling,
and those tears were falling,
when i showed up late to school,
with make up smeared down my face,

babe,what happened to you?
where did that guy go,the one i use to know,
who i grew up by when i was little,
why did he just make me cry?
i need you here with me now,
but i don't think you'll come,

promised you'd take care of me,
somehow i just can't believe that,
hun,i know its been rough,
its been hard for me to,
but never in a million years did i think,
that the cause of these tears would be you.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I liked it, the flow could have been better but worked well overall. i liked the structure and wording. well done
    xxxx

  • 18 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Excellent poem. Very touching, very sad. The ups:

    1)There was an ok flow throughout the whole thing. It evened up in the end, and ended rather nicely.
    2) The emotion was great. It was so sad, and was seeping with terrific darkness.

    The not so good things:

    1) The flow was a little rocky, but as I said above, it worked out in the end.
    2) The rhymes seemed cliche to me, but that may just be me. Try using words that aren't usually used. You'll see how much people will appreciate your work.
    3) The grammar. It sucked if you don't mind me saying that. -_- Grammar to me, is a very key part of poems. If I can't understand a poem, I usually forget it and just give a one liner >.< But I tried reading through here I guess. Lol.

    Just keep a few things in mind, and your writing will quickly improve. =) 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha

  • 18 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    Huh i can relate keep ur chin up :) good write

  • 18 years ago

    by ModernDavinci

    Aww. That's really, really sad. But I like it. You came to school with makeup smeared on your face? [down] awww. Next time, I shall see you, and Hug you. =[[
    Anyway, yes, this is really good. You are extremely talented.

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