Lying right here

I am lying here wondering where I want to go from here, its so hard to move. IM so confused about everything. I have spent my whole life being someone I am not, to make someone else happy. I can no longer remember who I truly am
So I am lying here wandering where I want to go from here, life seems to b passing me by . I cant keep up its just all to fast, I am still lost in my past holding onto past memories that I should’ve let go years ago. Why do I continue to punish myself
So I am lying here wandering where I am going to go from here, it all makes no sense to me, how can you all be happy in a place like this, I cant figure it out where am I suppose to go. This life makes no sense to me, it seems I can never be happy
So I am lying here wandering where I am going to go from here. Truly I thought by now I would be dead, 6 feet under there would be no reason to wander what I am going to do, but I am here today, its a shame I failed so many time to disappear, to end it all
Instead I am lying here wandering where I am going to go from here. Really it does not matter where I go because every path leads to the same end. So I will continue to live to see how my life shall really end. In this twisted world of boredom.

*surprising how bad this poem is, it will not get a 2018 edit because it is too terrible. That said the feelings in this poem definitely still exist*