I only tried to protect the ones I love
And yet it got thrown back in my face
I question now
Do they truly love me as they say they do?
Or is it just a coy ruse?
I read the letter
Day after day
It blinds me
To think of now
I am silenced
From ever trying to protect them again
But this is what I get
This is my punishment
I brought it upon myself
I never should have done what I did
Never
I was wrong.
So wrong
I read the letter
And for fear
Of keep the ones that I still have
I abide its rules
I do not speak
To the ones I love the most
I do not speak
I do not type
I do not do anything
To talk to them in any way
It breaks me
Kills me
Destroys me
That I canâ??t help them
And be there for them
When they need me
But then again
This is my punishment
I have brought this on myself
And you know what?
Iâ??m ready for it
For the pain
The agony
For all the hurt
The poems I write
Asking for death
The depression
The breakdowns
The pain
I want it all to stop
But I know there are only two ways
1. I die
2. I am forgiven
Knowing me
And knowing them
I am not forgiven
I am far from it
I shouldnâ??t be forgiven
I donâ??t want to be forgiven
I should pay for all the wrong I have done
I read the letter
Day after day
A reminder of who I can and canâ??t talk to
And it rips me apart
But it doesnâ??t matter
I should be
And more
To pay for my crimes
To pay for what I have done
I just hope the people I love
Know one thing:
I love them dearly
No matter how much they ever hate/dislike/etc. me
I will always love them
And no one can change that
I just pray that God may find mercy on me
And let me die
To pay for what I have done
But no
Death is a relief
I am to stay here
And pay for my crimes
To writhe in agony
Until the end of times
Goodbye to those I love
For I have been silenced.
