Knifes Favor

I sit here and watch it pool in my hand,
And cant help but wonder how I got where I am.
I know it's wrong.
I shouldn't be like this,
But the pain it creates to me feels like bliss.
I used to be strong.
Remembering once that it helped when I cried,
Cant do that anymore, that part of me died.
It stings and it burns.
I had a smile that didn't feel fake,
When I try that now my lip starts to shake.
I toss and I turn,
The night is my savior,
Time for the knife to do me a favor.