Bulimia-A routine after dinner treat

I feel the bile rise in my throat,
Just a routine after diner treat,
I stare into my porceline sanctuary,
Why is this so normal to me?

I see my reflection in the distorted water,
I am sickened and look away,
I've been working so hard,
And it will be no different today,

I dry my mouth on the tissue in my hand,
I flush my sins away,
I watch my dinner so intently,
As it slips into the drain,

I rinse my tool,
And quietly put it back in it's hiding place,
I wash my hands and rinse my mouth,
Just the same as yesterday,

I leave the bathroom,
Quietly, so full of shame,
No point in trying to change myself,
I have always been the same,

I smile to my family,
And secretly hate their ignorance,
Why can't they see the signs,
How long have I been doing this?

I feel the gashes in my throat,
And even wth experience, i still cry,
There is no excuss, and no forgiveness,
For the pain I've inflicted upon myself tonight.