Do i really hate you ?

You think I hate you, do you really feel that deep inside I don/t hate you I loath you my dear sister.
I watched you fall and fade away under the strain of life cutting your way to tomorrow and beyond why did you do that?

Looking at the cotton wool each night watching it go down knowing what it was used for.
Seeing not a smirk on your face for weeks at a time.

Family slipping, the terry we grew to call dad dieing before our eyes
Dad well where was he, he abandoned us again.
Mother busy with work all the time in the back room never with us (learners first).

This is what broke my love for life my childish ways I grew up into a harsh world and I stayed strong as long as I could but one can only take so much.

You think I hate you, do you really feel that deep inside I don/t hate you I loath you my dear sister.
I watched you fall and fade away under the strain of life cutting your way to tomorrow and beyond why did you do that?

You had a let out a way to release, but the anger the pain that built up in me so strong so powerful over the years
I was the open one the one that would cry but they where never real tears my sister I never truly cried.
I have seen my friends and family trying to end there lives though cutting or though pills, I however never had the courage to create physical pain to solve my inner churning pain.

I loath you my sister you found a release but I am a cowered and had not the strength to do such a thing.
I snapped I admit it I am broken my feeling for family, life and people in the streets has changed. What do you all think am I strong do I show my feeling no

I have been trodden on in so many ways I had enough
I have seen people come and go seen them though rough times and good times but where do I fit in really where there is only ... there is no one, no one that has not hurt me in someway or left me feeling useless and unwonted.

I do not hate you I just wish I could be strong enough to deal but I can/t

In reply to a poem my sister wrote