I stuffed up once again and did something stupid. It was meant as a joke. But as always I was the only one who saw the funny side of it. I always manage to stuff things up just as they start getting good. I don't trust people all that often and when I do it only takes one single sentence that could set me off again
I feel like such an idiot, possibly losing the best thing I ever had in my life because I decided to push him away but pretending to be someone I was not instead of asking him face to face.
An apology can only go so far and an apology can only be said so many times before it gets old. So now I sit and wait for a reply, one that my heart hopes won't be what I think might be coming, one that I no doubt deserve.
I can't turn this round and make it his fault, I'm the one with the insecurities I'm the one who's scared of losing him, I'm the one who keeps stuffing things up. The blame solely lies upon me because I read into things to deep.
Yes I'm the jealous type, yes I admit I don't like sharing but wouldn't you be too if you had the best thing in the world that ever happened to you. You wouldn't want to share him either, you'd too just want to keep him to yourself but that's not how life works.
I learnt my lesson and quite possibly I've learnt it a moment too late.
