Evil Endures {Haiku}

by xxEvilAngelxx   Nov 4, 2006


Eyes gleam in darkness,
A slit of evil emerges,
The black cat subsists.

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Re-write:
Eyes gleam in darkness,
A slit of evil appears,
The black cat subsists.

Written for a contest.
Anyone have suggestions about category?

I know that the second line in the first one has 8 not 7 syllables but it sounds better the way it is...

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  • 17 years ago

    by Gary Jurechka

    American haiku is not as strict as eastern, so the syllable count don't really mean that much.It is the meaning, emotion, and what you are saying that matters.The second verion is better.Great haiku.

    Peace, Poetry, & Power,

    Gary Jurechka

  • 18 years ago

    by AnnMarie

    I have no clue what the point of Haikus are so I CAN not really give you any help with it (REALLY SORRY)
    -aNN

  • 18 years ago

    by goddess-glamourpuss

    I kinda like it both ways really. I think the words are close enough not to alter the overall effect too much.
    Has a great creepy feel to it.
    Good job.

  • 18 years ago

    by Darien

    Very nicely written, the second version is better, because it does follow the rules of Haiku. Also, my word of the day is 'subsist'. Didn't know what it meant, had to look it up! Lol, I kind of love learning new words :P

  • 18 years ago

    by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere

    5/5. Great write! Hope you will write more!

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