3rd time (kind of finished)

The night smells of sore victory
The wrong words said from him to me
The wrong feelings sent in waves of terror
And me the scared unfeeling bearer
Frightening scary and terribly confusing
Nothing left from the horrible abusing
The night holds me within its claw
And I grow scared Iâ??ll never thaw
I know that at the nights end, I will be free
But I am unwilling to even see
Things can get better, with one switch of the lights
Nothing will be left of these hopeless fights
I will be free to move and smile
And the nights happenings will turn to guile
But can I give up those feelings? The hate and hurt?
Give up that taste, that mind, that alert?
Must I? should I? what is right
To just give up this hurtful night?
Or dwell in my unfaithful hell
Do I curse myself or lift the spell
I guess 3 times really is the charm
The one that dispels the most harm
Twice Iâ??ve lifted myself, left the past
But can this strength really last?
I am told not to blame myself
To realize no fault and grow to health
But I could have stopped it, I know in my heart
If I had done something there would have been no start
True I did none to provoke it
But I did none to free myself of it
To move on would mean to hide from my past
To not would mean to admit weakness, and that canâ??t be done so fast
Am I a child with my thoughts of this mess
Is it even a thought, should I consider this less
Just pass on through and make it short
So the memories of this night will distort
See it kind, richer, and nicer as well
Maybe I could reach up from this hell
The night will and has ended
And to my heart my love has lended
These thoughts of pain and hope deserted
Shall leave my mind for once not alerted
New friends new happiness new light
and my heart will again fill with might
but am I deciding too quickly? Does this deserve thought?
Or is it the end to my problems so long sought?
This is the end, yet the beginning
And me, the victor, shall begin winning
Victory is within my grasp, now and forever
And always shall the voices in my head ring with one word, never
The fighting is held deep in my heart
The feeling of which I can not ever part
I realize its role in my life
Whether for help or to strife
My life will go on, sad as I feel
But feelings are life, and life is a wheel
You go in turns, good and bad
Most are innocent, strong and sad
And so are mine for bad and the good
And my feelings will turn the way they should