You Shouldn't..

by BeautifulxMess   Nov 7, 2006


You shouldn't lie to me like that.
You shouldn't treat me that way.
My world fell apart with nothing.
I was ignored every single day.

My heart was pure with happiness.
Now, it's all taken back from me.
I didn't make anyone cry or sad.
So I don't, I hide who I want to be.

You shattered me into pieces.
A friend would have seen my pain.
No one comprehends my feeling.
I feel like nothing and insane.

I must be crazy and out my mind.
Thinking my "friends" were there.
I need to stop dreaming on again.
Wake up, and live this nightmare.

I'm misunderstood with no friends.
I miss my smile bright as gold.
I use to be so happy and alive.
Then, I had friends I could hold.

You shouldn't talk to me that way.
You shouldn't hear my fears inside.
You shouldn't be here right now.
You should be stabbing someone
else's back side.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Ooo. Anger. Especially in the last stanza. I liked it. I mean, for this kind of style. I don't usually quite comprehend or 'get' poems such as friendship poems. I mean, I can relate to them. I just don't see why people go on about things though. But this one didn't seem like that to me. It was easy enough for me to follow, yet the emotion was deep. You really seemed as if you loved your friend at times, and then hated her the next. I love the 'everywhere' idea. =P

    The flow was excellent. Up until the last stanza lol. The rhymes 'inside' and 'side' are very similar. I don't think I would've used them either. Try taking out some words, or putting in a few more stanzas to make the ending flow better. It kind of just came to a stop, ya know? I mean, I like it, but maybe for next time, try smoothing it out a little. Hope you didn't take this personally. =) 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha

  • 18 years ago

    by Lauren Waszkiewicz

    Also- some of the lines seem shortm or cut off, and long, i think you shoudl reread the poem yourself, maybe tomorrow, and revise it. =]

  • 18 years ago

    by Lauren Waszkiewicz

    Ok a couple pf forced and cliche rhymes, have you tried to not use an abcb rhyme scheme,i mena it \s a nice pooem., but these poems get very annoying simply b/c of the r/s. i liked it, it was well written but i recommend you try to break out of this shell. you have great potential. and i can see you writng alot better poems if you dont stick to this format and use cliche'd rhymes. =]

    x.x:Lauren

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