All I see is red,
coming from the wrists,
which I bled.

^ I like this bit of the poem alot.
Great poem, it had a good flow, and nice rhyming. A great read! Keep it up! xx

Oooh i can so relate... nice rhyming. great work. please keep it!!

This is really amazing... you see so many poems about this kind of stuff out there, and some of them, quite frankly, arent any good, but you managed to pull it off with style. i really liked this....
Emmmm

I found the flow to be off in a lot of places and some of the rhyming seemed force.

I liked the idea behind the poem, and I liked how you put so much emotion behind it.

Keep working on the flow, and your writing will improve.
4/5

Nice rhyming, I like this one alot. I love how u ended ur poem. and my other favorite part was
"All I see is red,
coming from the wrists,
which I bled."

That was really good, oh and thank you so much for ur comment!! (^_^) 5/5 from me. Luvs, DeadGirl

It is very good. I love your emotions, you will become a pretty good writer. All you have now is some raw skills, just keep writing and you will become better.

I was under way
too much stress.
I couldn't pass
this simple test.

All I see is red.
coming from my wrist
Tears fill my eyes,
As clench my fist.

Now is the end,
Now it is time.
Though I thought
This life was mine.

With your controls
Making me blind.
You're messing up
My fragile mind.

No going back.
I've made a mistake.
I wish this all was
just simply fake.

Only thing left
To do on my list
Is drain all this blood
out of my wrist

My time is up.
Its too late to Restart
I no longer hear
The beat of my heart.

Not sure If you will like this but this is what I reccomend. You had some forced rhymes in there you just needed to smooth them out, I smoothed them out for you. You may like some parts, go ahead and change it if you want. Put the whole thing In I don't care. Your poems really good. The thing above is yours, all I did was 'smoothed it out'.

Awesome Job!

5/5

"This life was supposed
to be mine!"
Ah, the joy of the exclamation mark. It was very effectively used. Lovely poem, it was well expressed and I like your desciption of emotion. Well done.

Very good poem and sad. It has a good rhythm and easy to understand. Keep up the good work. 5/5

I apologize if I offended you in any way. When you say 'this poem was based on my life' and then at the end 'you basically said that my life wasn't perfect and I need to be fixed' .. Isn't that what you said in your poem? Again I apologize. Instead of saying 'Forced rhymes, bad flow' I showed you what I meant. I was bored and willing to help. I didn't say 'Put mine in yours sucks.' I said 'Not sure If you will like this but this is what I reccomend' When I said reccomend I meant the style and flow. Not the poem. I was bored so I put in some of my feelings, that was the part i said 'You may like some parts, go ahead and change it if you want' and the part 'Put the whole thing In I don't care' I also meant that poem was yours. I didn't write it. I helped the flow and rhyme. Again I apologize.

Aw, sad. but good.