So i think to myself about all that should have been & would have been if I did not leave. I want to go back for one last goodbye, but I cannot bear myself to walk into that school & look in and watch all of the life I'm missing behind display cases. I dont want to make myself attached so that when i leave the ache will be ten times worse. I dont know what to do. that is my life i am leaving behind. who does that? only lunatics commit their own murder. does that make me a lunatic? what if, by trying to save ourselfs from all of the pain in the world, we are hurting ourselves? oh but it is "best over all".... thats not really true. And its cruel. absloluetly cruel to make someone get ovr the heart break. but then turn around & shatter it into pieces. i am confused, distraught, and dissapointed. there goes everything i ever worked for, all gone down the drain...and i can never get it back.
