Pushed Away {Malisus}

by Natalie   Nov 10, 2006


My,
Green eyes cry,
At night,
Struggling to fight,
For one more day,
Where I'm not pushed away.

10th November 2006
Copyright (C) Natalie

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-Malisus-

It has one stanza with six lines. The first line has 1 syllable. The second has 3. The third has 2. The forth has 5. The fifth has 4. The sixth has 6. The rhyme scheme is "aabbcc"

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by xXDurrTYSOutHXx

    Dang Gurl You Know How To Write. You Feel All The Emotion With Just So Lil' To Say. Keep It Up, Cuz I Just Added You To My Favoritez List! 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Jessica

    Awhh, another great poem hun. The descriptions were great and the flow works well. In the fourth line, you wrote "struggling" and I'm not sure how you pronouce that.. But to me that is only two syllables, if you pronounce it "strug-el-ling" then it is fine though. Also, in the first line you used the word "my". I always like short poems like this better when you do not use any "the, my, she, he, her, they's" and so on.. So I think if you added a better word in there that would also improve it. Very nicely done though. 5/5