Oh God

How many times have I fell for someone that was a friend
I was so afraid that it would indeed be the end
So many times it actually happened this way
One of us or both couldn't find the power within to stay
Not even friends anymore
They would defend themselves with the excuse I was a w..h.o.r..e
We all knew that I wasn't what they said
But it kept up until I wished I was dead
Some of them felt bad inside
There was no way they would admit to everyone they lied
Now I liked this friend(Jef) in the beginning of the year
I wouldn't or couldn't do anything because of fear
Another friend(Max) told him I liked him that way
He acted like such a jerk it seriously died that day
I liked another guy(Challen) in my one class that was sweet
I would talk to him about anything even what I was afraid to beat
But another friend(Liz) liked him too
She wanted him to be her new beau
He had a girlfriend(Gabbi) at the time
So no way was possible that he could be mine
They broke up and he talked to me
Having that little time with him made me feel so free
At the time I had liked Jef Max was with Britney
We all figured out a little while later they couldn't be
I talked to Max throughout it all
I was there with him as a friend but I never meant to fall
But I did and we ended up together a short time
Again I realized he wasn't going to be mine
We stopped talking and things got rough
I started realizing I was gonna have to be tough
I still liked Challen alot
But I know love and friendship cant be bought
Then so much time passed by
I thought I was through with guys who make me cry
But Jef started liking me that way
I am so afraid I wont be able to make him stay
He drove me to my house and kissed me goodbye
Did I like it I honestly cant lie
I didn't feel no connection within that kiss
I didn't feel no endless bliss
I talked to Challen today about everything
Now I realize this is going to sting
Challen thinks I'm cute and he likes me
But its impossible to be a we
How could I tell Jef goodbye so soon
I would just feel like a terrible goon
So I'm going to suffer in silence some more
I dont want to be again classed as a w.ho.re