Really good concept but the flow and wording doesn't seem right... try to put more feeling into the poem so the reader feels what you're feeling... this is a sad poem but I didn't feel it. The word choice could be better, try expanding your vocabulary. Other than that, after some work, this poem could be amazing! =D xoxo tty on the forums!

xxEvilAngelxx

Thankyou...all of my poems are almost amazing...i agree that i really gotta work on the word flow and the feeling! i have to do that with alot of my poems! lol! thanks again!

I found this poem really intersting.
I loved the repetition of the kiss slap kiss slap, that was great
Well done
5/5
*Gem*

Thanks gem!

Shae;
i can say this because you're my cousin.

i didnt like it.
it scared me.
=]]

but i love you.

BUT..
is there something you're not telling me?
teheeeee.

i lied.
it wasnt that bad.
but i was honest about it scaring me.

xo

Lol...geez clairey, i was just bored....and i know it sucked...its ok if you say it sweetheart! lol....