Not good

It's hard when one of your friends commits suicide. You have to live with knowing that they chose to die, that they wanted to die. And maybe you could have done something about it, if you had only talked to them more, told them you care about them or even that you love them. Shown that they are special to you. Because when they kill themselves, you are left with this emptiness in you heart but your head is filled with questions of 'what if?'. Theres no way of knowing if someone is going to commit suicide. Even if they say they are it doesn't mean it's true. But always listen to them and take them seriously if they say it, because they could be serious. And if you don't listen to them, it makes you feel even worse when they do. And it's not fair to the one who loved them, having to walk around like everythings fine, like nothing happened, having to be strong for the others, not being able to show their real feelings of sadness and resentment, cause that would show weakness. And weakness isn't a good thing in real life. Only the strong survive and thrive. But really, what is 'strong'? Does it mean being able to hold your own? Never backing down? Or does it mean admitting to your mistakes and failures, and also admitting that sometimes, you can't handle everything. No one can handle everything. Everything is a big thing. And it shows weakness not submitting to it. Everyone breaks down at some point and finally realize that they can't handle it, and it hits them hard. They do crazy things like suicide. And it's all mixed in together isn't it. Everything is always mixed with everything else. And that's what makes life. And life is hard, and it shows weakness when you give up on life and kill yourself. And still, weakness is not good.