Crawling In ThE Dark

I wake myself up...i know something is wrong
People keep changing and i just keep following my heart
They tell me i should get along...i should stay strong
keeping myself away from falling apart.

The sun rises but i don't see the light
Because i am blinded by too many lies
My pain is growing with every sleepless nigh
With every silent scream from behind my eyes.

What I - as a kid - got in my hand
Beside looking myself in my room?
No more cutting my wrist can stand
So i have nothing...but living alone...in my gloom.

What is the use of staying awake
While -at last- i am seeing the same nightmare
I just cant do it...cant smile...cant fake
I just cant bear it no more and it's so not fair!!!

The bitter days keep passing me by
And me... cant close my eyes and dream of a better tomorrow
Can't hold my soul from getting dry...and die.
can't stop myself from living this sorrow.

Tell me why i am locked inside my soul ?
Why i just cant open the door?
And every time i climb the wall... i just fall
Gathering the pieces of myself that people tore.

Oh people!! you are so mean
You saw me hurt... you saw me moan
You saw me stuck in between
And you just left me all alone.

All i want is to release
All the pain i feel inside
I just wanna live in peace
With no more pain around to hide.

I wonder.. what happened to me?
My home is broken... my heart is taken...
And my life is being a total tragedy
So for how long "Being Alive" will still achin'?

No doubt why i love black and red?
And why this life doesn't no more make any sense
After all those tears i shed
After founding myself surrounded by too many rims

They say once u fall in love you'll forget your pain
You'll solve your problems...they'll just fade away
You wont control yourself...you'll go crazy...you'll be insane
But is it true? is it real? that what's they say

Yeah i am in love...yes i can feel it
And it's the sweetest thing I'll ever feel
But the word "Love You"...on my tongue just doesn't fit
Because what they say is not real...and these wounds will never heal

Now i wonder again about the person i became
About this life...when will it get better...not darker
No one is around to ask...no one to blame...
So I'll stay right here...crawling in the dark...looking for the answer.