Sins Will Lay

by Katie   Nov 15, 2006


Make it bleed so the tears will stop
I'll hide you away in my little box
Where sins will lay and I'll forget
Then all is lost and there's regret

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Yeah I know... It's short, but I did it at 1:30 in the morning, and I like it.

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  • 18 years ago

    by sibyllene

    Yeah, it's short, but that doesn't have to mean anything. I think it has potential. The advice I can give is this: Think of a title. They can definitely enhance the poem, and when a poem is so short, a title can put the whole things into perspective. Also, I don't think the last line is on par with the first three. In my opinion, a good last line can make or break the effectiveness of a poem. If there's a way you could keep the rhyme, while making it more interesting and powerful, I think that would "make" the poem.

    Also, I really like the line "Where sins will lay..." That's cool.

    Good work!

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