Confusion and love(also h8)

You've ruined my life, but somehow, I still love you.
you've made my life a living hell
and now i don't know what to do

All I want to do, is get a knife through your back, but for some reason i can't do it
i want you to be dead in my heart
but i feel theres something worth it

no, not worth it, worth you
but I can't see what that is
now i am getting all confused
and also in a tizz