Comments : It all comes down to this

  • 18 years ago

    by *Charisma*

    I entered this contest too! Very good job!
    Charisma*

  • 18 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Wow, i like this poem as well as ur every other poem, great job, 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Jen

    Wow i really liked this poem, its great how you actually managed to do it =]=]
    5/5
    ~*~Jen~*~

  • 18 years ago

    by Nelle

    Awwww. I loved this poem. It was in perfect rhythm. I loved the pattern with every. it was very unique!

  • 18 years ago

    by .K.i.T.t.Y.

    Thats cool i like it.

    it would make a pretty song.
    put music and stuff to it.

  • 18 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    That was very good. It's quite hard to get a really good poem out of having to follow certain rules, but you pulled it off well.

    Good work.

  • 18 years ago

    by Bridgette

    I really like this for some reason.. I'm not even sure why because I really don't like repetitive poems. lol. But there's just some thing about this that I really like. For one, the flow was really good and held up very well and your rhyming didn't seem forced either. I also liked the last line... It kind of gives you something to think about...like how everything in your life could come down to this one thing. Amazing job on this.. I really liked it! 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Kristina

    Wow great job on this. i really like how you wrote it. so much emotion in this. wonderful job you did. 5/5

    ~Kristina

  • 18 years ago

    by Void

    Hey. This is my first comment, as you did an excellent job on my contest and I've come to give you what you so honourably earned. I saw that this poem too was written for a contest. Personally, I have a bit of a biased opinion about repitition. I can't say much about it, because as it was done for a contest, it wasn't your idea nor does it show quite what I believe you are capable of. Repitition, for many but not all readers, usually runs on long enough to almost start to get boring.
    However, in saying this, I'm So Very Happy to say, that you kept up your rhythm so extremely well, that it was simply not the case for this poem. It did not bore me, rather than catch my attention and let my eye flow smoothly across, then down the page. There was one line though that I felt was a bit too long, and took away from that wonderful rhythm Just enough (barely enough, but enough nonetheless) to make me stop for a second. That kind of distraction is worth speaking of. -Please don't take any of my words personally, because they are simply opinions, and in all honesty, my opinions aren't even that well practiced... I consider myself a novice at writing.-
    But because I promised my contestants long, worth while comments, I want to mention this.
    I think in this line:

    Every gift we've received from above

    If you got rid of 'we've', it'll get rid of just one syllable and shorten it up a bit... So it flows smoother, without losing any meaning...-let me know what you think on this:

    Every person we have loved
    Every gift received from above
    Every moment of true bliss
    It all comes down to this

    I also think I would add a little something to make your ending more final... Perhaps:

    Every person we have loved
    Every gift dropped from above
    Every moment of true bliss
    And somehow it all comes down to this.

    I know it seems that I added Alot more syllables then what you have, but I feel it would make your final sentence more...Well....Final...

    Over all though this was an inspiring piece, and I really really enjoyed reading it... And you should hold that as a personal accomplishment, because it's very rare when I enjoy reading so much repetition - so you've done excellent with this.

  • 18 years ago

    by tinna

    Hey i hope u won, this poem is excellent!

  • 18 years ago

    by Mousie

    Now that was awesome! much better than the other one i read! it had so much more put into it, it gave me a good feeling, that's when i know a poem is good... even though i said all that stuff about elementary vocabulary, there are some poems you can make it work for, and you did a wonderful job of it on this poem... beautifully written, hopefully you have/will win/won something for it! you would deserve it! 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by HOLLYWOODxBANGBANG

    Ohhkay I get it lol, I noticed the every thing and didn`t understand it until I read that last footnote there, interesting idea...however, I feel that the lines could have been just a little big more descriptive to help the reader..the ending was a little awkward and sudden too. Don`t get me wrong, it fits in the sense that it leaves it open to the readers interpretation, but at the same time...comes down to what? It leaves the reader a little confused, did me anyways lol. Anywhoozle, I liked the poem, it was a great poem, just a few things felt a little bit off to me.

    5.5
    :]