Well done overall :)

the only things are that some lines are one syllable short. try reading your poems outloud, once only, and if you stumble on saying a line, the flow is out. your readers will most likely only read it once, and if the poet has a hard time saying it, so too will the reader. :)

also, i found it long and daunting before reading it. i think that you should create some stanzes, and gather ideas onto one line, instead of breaking them apart on two lines.

they were my only real problems with it, and some of the lines were extremely effective. it has the potential to be some excellent writing if you just tweak it :)

keep writing! :)

I like this poem, its different. =)

the emotion displayed is deep, and that boosts the poem.

the flow is a little off, with a discontinuous rhyme, but thats ok.

keep writing,
xxx