I Need To Escape

I hide this pain from others,
So they don't see me cry,
I can't explain it to myself,
And I know they'll want to know why,

But how can I tell them why,
When I don't even know,
I guess I need their help,
On which direction to go,

I feel so alone each day,
And from others under attack,
I can't find the shore,
To this endless sea of black,

I'm scared of these feelings,
For they will not go away,
I wonder what I can do,
That will suddenly change a day,

Every day to me is a duplicate,
Of the one that came before,
My life seems only to be,
Full of hurt and pain nothing more,

I'm sad because I'm so forlorn,
And all I can turn to is me,
Is it too much for me to be happy?
Because that's all I want to be,

But that will never happen,
Even I can see,
Because why would anyone love,
Sad and angry me?

I'm angry because I feel,
This pain I can't ignore,
I try to be so very strong,
But find me reaching for the door,

The door that will lead,
To a place I can be me,
And live up there forever,
Floating angelically and free,

Free is what I want to be,
From this pain and hurt inside,
But how will that happen,
I know that in my mind,

I'm trapped inside a prison,
Of my own negative ways,
I can't escape from deep within,
I'm trapped inside this maze,

Finding the exit isn't easy,
But I know I have to somehow,
I'll find a way to be strong,
But that isn't happening just now,

Sometimes I sit and think,
And I'm frightened of what I could do,
I don't understand why I can't,
Be happy like the rest of you

**I cry alone….I cry at night……I sit here as I cry tonight**