Can’t do anything right
Just keep living one big mistake
All the arguing and fighting
Not wanting to go on
And not even the one person
Who I care about the most
Can make it all better
Just thinking of him
Those eyes, that voice
Only making it worse
Knowing it can never be real
Forced to be kept down
Not able to leave
Told to get out but
Not being able to
Needing to get away from the madness
Away from the sorrow and pain
Physical, emotional and mental
Pain
The only friend
The only one that stays
Always there, always hurting
Filled with ghosts
That smile, his laugh
Always haunting me
Seeing him everywhere
But never really real
Waiting to come to
A far green country
And white shores
And beyond
But blocked by all the walls
Held back by some unknown reason
Some unwanted reason
I visit a graveyard
An inner one with a nameless stone
Sitting on the soft green grass
Crying for a life that’s no longer mine
Childhood
Gone like all the good things
Never coming back
Forced to leave it behind
Grey rain curtain rolls in
Tears now not noticeable on my face
As the rain pours down
Falling asleep on the green grass
Not knowing or caring where I am
In the real world
My uselessness certainly going unmissed
Brought back to reality by
An unseen force
Always the reminder, the thought
Of the looks, the laughs, of him
Wanting it all to be real
But in reality
Never actually able to meet
Never to hear the beautiful voice
Come straight from the mouth
Never to see the true green of the eyes
Move to the dark empty corner
Away from the distractions and reminders
Closing my eyes
Visiting another place
A place know to some as Fangorn
A dark forest full of surprises
Alone in the dark forest
Sitting against a tree
Lost in my own thought
The light seems to go away
As I get deeper into the forest
Alone for only God knows how long
When there is a light
That grows brighter as it comes closer
Not looking up as it stops in front of me
He lifts my weary head
And noticing my tears through the rain
He was bright and dry while
I was dark and wet
He took my hand and there was warmth
The warmth I had looked for
But only found my cold self
He led me through the dark rainy forest
And out into the bright warm sunshine
Of the Shire
He dried my tears, healed my wounds
A day spent in The Green Dragon
Washing away all the problems
With mugs of ale and friends
But as always
All good things must end
Brought back to reality
With only the memory of that visit left
Remembering his smiling face
Knowing it would just go back
To the way it had been
Nothing ever changed
Same problems
As always
