Way of Numbing Myself

I'm surrounded by people,
but I feel so alone.
I'm lost in a madness
all of my own.
My body is hungry,
it needs to be fed.
But I choose to ignore it,
and starve myself instead.
Shrink down my body,
guilt & anxiety will shrink too.
If I'm tempted to eat,
find something else to do.
No one understands,
or maybe they don't care.
But to tell them how I feel
is something I wouldn't dare.
I want to cry,
I want to scream and yell.
I can't stand it anymore,
living inside this hell.
But I just smile
and say I'm fine.
While the panic
takes over my mind.
Starve my body,
make it thin,
to stop the madness
that's within.
Starve my body,
make it small,
numb the pain,
so I can't feel it at all.