Quivering Tears

by *Charisma*   Nov 29, 2006


Blackened tears stream down my face.
It's my first night feeling all alone.
The girl in the mirror is out of place,
And feels lost although she's home.

I believed these stains would heal the pain,
But it only comes on stronger now.
Every time I try it's all in vain,
As I wait for a solution somehow.

Wishing someone would hear the sounds
And come running to say it's all right.
But the hallway's dark, no one around.
She could scream all through the night.

But the coughing and the muttered cries,
The rocking back and forth in bed,
Don't fix the wrong or make right the lies
That now fill up my hanging head.

Still the sorrow comes pouring upon me,
And it won't stop 'till the storm subsides.
Right now, I'm losing myself completely.
I've run out of places to hide.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Gem

    First point. Great choice of title. And as always you have a steady rhyme scheme (If it's one thing i hate, it's an unsteady rhyme scheme - Tara)
    Also, you have a wide choice of wording in this poem yet kept it simple so it read nicely..

    "But the coughing and the muttered cries,
    The rocking back and forth in my bed"

    The only thing i can suggest is taking out the 'my' to just tidy up the flow of this stanza.

    But yet again, you have a diamond of a poem here.
    So many people would probably be able to relate and understand the emotions shown in this piece
    Well done
    Gem and Tara xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Midnight Sun

    I REALLY like this cause it's so true that while you think that the tears will heal your pain they just end up bringing it more and more to life. So sorry you're going through all this crap girl...but hopefully this pain ends soon. love yah, girl! Bye!
    ~Midnight Sun

  • 17 years ago

    by emmerz

    Hey this was great, i just trhink that the last line, take out the "run" in the "run and hide" part. otherwise, good job!

  • 17 years ago

    by Kurt

    Brilliant. Great job, this poem is so utterly amazing. Each line brings a rush of feelings and emotions in an overwhelming amount. I loved how each and every word was heartfelt. Wonderfully written. Keep up the great stuff.

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