This is not the way I picture me!!!
I scream with self hatred....
I fall to the floor, knees on broken glass
Empty hearts falling on deaf ears and closed eyes..
Grabbing at my hair..as I run my fingers through at speed...
I'm sweaty....the air is cold.......
My mind rushes
I smash the mirror......I hate you!!!
Self inflicted wounds are meant to heal but not mine....Mine are deep....
I am worthless
The gum on your shoe
The homeless behind the mall....the losing ticket
My heart bleeds with insecurity and doubt..
My dreams lay smashed as a result of self inflicted pain...
My soul wonders if it ever was at all....
Alone in the park....
Night time shadows creep in un noticed by my gloom..
Cold steel in my mouth....the fragrance still on the barrel from my tests....
My legs shake....as tears stream down my face.....and over my shivering lips.....the swing tilts
My finger is itchy....as I grip and prepare...for what I do not know..
My final thoughts race through my mind as if competing to be my one and only final image.....burned to my inner eye...
As always my thoughts turn to you...I don't want you to be the last thing and the only thing I see for ever...
A constant reminder of how I let you down..
