I like your poetry, you seem to have a lot of potential...But, there's something about it that just screams young writer.
May I suggest trying less cliche rhyming? Like me, see, be... That's cliche - over used. And rhyme throughout the poem, not just two or three lines.
I think you can do it; I have faith in you. I'll be keeping an eye on your poetry... Don't disappoint me. =]

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex5.5