My past...

THIS POEM IS REALLY SPECIAL TO ME AND I KNOW ITS LONG..BUT PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ AND COMMENT IT!!!

I look in the mirror and see all the pain
that a girl holds thats completely insane
as i look in the past i think what a shame
that this girl got to the point of not caring at all
because shes tired of standing up everytime she falls
She just wants to stay on the floor because thats what she deserves
everytime she tries to reach out for them she feels that she gets on their nerves
so she doesnt tries to show them what she really feels
because she knows that their the ones that could help her heal
them and her someone else, but person doesnt care
Atleast thats what that person shows so to tell that special someone she doesnt dare
but silly of her to think this would work
did she really think theyd care if they saw she was hurt?
Of course not, why would they?its only her
so now all the feelings she had felt and thoughts she had she was sure
this girl was so hurt, so what did she do? she grabbed the knife
she grabbed the knife to help her cope with her life
she thought of how her life had changed so fast
she thought of everything, how could she be so stupid to think they could last
she thought of everyone, how they had failed her tests
she looked at the knife and just wanted to take a rest
how could she even think she was cared about
everyone and everything that was important to her had isolated her out
so down went the drip of blood falling against her skin
and as she felt the knife, her face formed a grin
\"I like this\"she murmured, by herself, all alone
so she kept it up, and scars were formed but somewhere where they wouldnt be shown
and put her finger in her mouth so that vomit could come out
she hated her body w/out a doubt
she wanted it perfect, like it used to be
and it being perfect was not what shed see
she was obsessed, so in would go the finger and everything would come out
she was so stressed she just wanted to shout
and when a plate was placed infront of her \"disgusting\"shed think
Everything was disgusting, so she just wouldnt eat
she didnt have energy to play her favorite sport and her grades were suffering
what had happened to this girl that was so caring and loving?
what had happened? she asked just that
but the answer she didnt know, all she could see was fat
\"role model\" she thought \"the role model is me\"
\"i need to be what a role model is supposed to be\"
she needed to learn how to dance and make the sunshine come out of the rain
so like a role mode, she put that smile on once more, asked for help, and hid all her pain.