Final Goodbye

As a child you hurt me and at 19 the pain is still here,
Did you know the consequences of your actions would be so severe?

Did you think that as i left my teenage years i would still feel the pain?
Do you really believe you did no wrong and there's nothing to explain?

Just because the scars you gave me cant be seen by the eye,
it doesn't mean that a thousand times i didn't want to die.

You think that i wanted money when all i craved was affection,
I prayed as a child there would come a time with no rejection.

You missed so many important occasions, putting money in a card doesn't count.
I just wanted to spend time with you, why didn't you take that into account?

I cant remember how many times i prayed that you would be proud of me,
Or how many times i cried wishing so hard we could be a proper family.

I didn't want your cash, just a dad but you never had the time,
Having children but not raising them to me is a crime.

But you think that you did nothing wrong and its that which hurts the worst,
Why weren't you there dad, why didn't us kids ever come first?

See you are the adult and no matter how old i get that will always be the case,
And no matter how much you ignore me one day my questions you will have to face.

I'm not a parent yet but i still cant imagine being as detached as you have been,
Do you ever think of all the things you missed, does it eat you up within?

Not only am i suffering for my own mistakes but I'm paying for yours as well,
Can you even comprehend how i feel, being trapped in living hell?

I'm stuck with a life sentence, you cant give me back my childhood years,
No amount of guilt money could take away the nights i sat in tears.

I'm your own flesh and blood but yet when you look at me i see the hate,
How can you feel that way about me, someone you helped to create?

I'm not blaming you for leaving, i know that you and mum weren't happy together,
But you didn't have to cut all emotional ties and stop caring forever.

I cant do this anymore, see you but still not hear the real truth,
I need to lay this to rest before it takes the rest of my youth.

So now I'm cutting you off dad, its time to say a final goodbye,
I know this time will be no different so i wont expect any reply.

You see Ive had enough of the anguish crowding my heart and my head,
From now on don't let me concern you, because to me you are now dead.