The Pain my Own Mother Puts me Through

You told me I'm different
Like all my life I've been living a lie
You told me I'm rude and obnoxious
Basically telling me I should die.

You tell me you want me to move away
So you would never again have to see my face
You tell me that I've completely changed
You tell me I'm nothing but a disgrace

My own mother had said those words
All those words of hate
As I fill my head with depressing thoughts
Thinking of what will be my fate.

I go to my room
Just to get away from you
Looking for something sharp
To release pain you put me through

I can't find anything sharp enough
Maybe this pencil will do
So I start to saw away at my wrist
Look at what I do because of you

I try to cut deeper than the surface
I try to ease my pain
I try to hurt myself
I try to win this game

But it's not sharp enough
To make the feeling go
I feel like I have to do this
My self esteem is just too low.

It didn't break the surface
So you're lucky there
But what if it happens again?
there's only so much hate I can bare.

I look at myself in the mirror
I realize I'm a mess
And all the critcism you put me through
I feel like it's all just a test.

Dark circles are around my eyes
my cheeks are soaking wet
My hands tremble with fear
I need to pay my debt.

My eyes red as blood
Cuts form on my wrists
Fear travels through my whole body
As I start to clench my fists.

I'm okay this time
But what if this happens some more?
What if my mom has more hateful words.
Only time will tell for sure...