Great poem girl. Keep up the good work. i really liked this poem:) 5/5

In my own opinion, this poem was not worth the high number of five votes it received. While it was good with emotions and rawness, it was also wordy and displayed the same thought put into other poems. Hardly original. But like I said I liked the raw emotion. 4/5

Each time i comment i do it a different way. if you owuld pls tell me which style you like best so i when i do more i'll use that. =]

The Good.
`i oddly liked your rhythmic pattern on this peice. it kinda flowed off beat syncopated. adn seemed like a song.
`Grammar/Spelling-Perfect. =]
`The Topic is slightly cliche but i do think you brought more to the table so to speak than many. You used different metaphors and such. =]

The Bad-
`Line Lengths!
`Rhyming
`Language
Ahh. this made me mad. When i was reading it
1. The rhyming was very forced and didn't use adult words. it was just like sad/mad only using 4 letter words. the language you used made thispoem seem very childish. im going to pout.. -sigh- Slightly Pimply My Dear.
The lengths of the lines also made me mad. they were just a little to long to rhyme using such small words.
this combo made it seem you were /trying/ to hard.

But The Poem is Written Well despite this. I'd reread it outloud and find those trouble spots. To me that helps.

Another Suggestion is that when you're 'done' with a poem-save it and leve it for a few days or a week. then go back to it, read it and fix it and add more. that way its not annoying you and you're able to start fresh.

x3 Lauren

Wow this is really good, you put alot of emotion in it. All i hope you won the contest because this is really good. 5/5

I never said it wasnt bad. thats why i dont like that way of commenting^ it seems i said its bad. but really it /is/ a good poem; i just feel it could be improved. -just wanted to make that clear-

Wow, I loved this.
My favourite part was:

I'd give you the world and so much more if I could.
What about then? What about now? Would that be good?

That struck me as really powerful, this is one of my favourites of yours, the imagery, flow, rhyme scheme were all just amazing.
Excellent work on this.

Wow. i love your poems! that is so sad, but amazing.

I really like your poems.. It's so nice..
I could exactly relate to your poems..
thanks for giving me a comment.. You can also check out my other poems.. thanks!