Chronically Ill

Hello Cindy,

I hope you don't mind me trawling through your back catalogue.

This title made me stop...

Chronically ill
^
this title says a lot. It is a statement that come for the first time like a bomb shell.

They told me I was chronically ill,
my life would consist of taking handfuls of pills.
I would need others to take care of me.
They never told me how hard it is to lose your dignity.
^

these two couplets sum up the title. The loss of independence or at least a version we become used to changes.

Needing help to get out of bed,
Someone to cook and wash your head.
Everything I use to do, things that came so easy to me.
This description of not being able to wash your hair yourself is so sad. My only hope is that the person doing this does it with compassion.

Now I struggle everyday, with simple things i use to do with ease.
How you turn into a burden,
no one will tell you, but you can see.
^
The everyday becomes a mountain to climb. The small achievements are like conquering Everest. It is amazing how those who take there 'ordinary' lives for granted can't even imagine what it must be like to have a life where everything is so hard.

It shows in their eyes when they look at me.
How you lay night after night, Unable to sleep until it's light.
No one to talk to in the middle of the night.
They are all sleeping snug and tight.
^
A life turned upside down and inside out. Reality becomes unreal to others, but sadly too real for you. While they sleep blissfully and in ignorance you lay there wishing that the hand dealt had been a more favourable one.

No one told me how hard it would be,
To yell for someone and have them ignore me.
Sometimes they act like your not there.
Either they don't hear you, or they just don't care.
^
this reminds me of when I used to provide care for a chap in a wheelchair. Whenever I met someone they would speak to me and totally ignore the person I was supporting. Years later when I saw this chap in the wheelchair I made sure that I crouched down and spoke to him. Why? Because he is a person and I wanted to connect with him.

I get sick so easily, to the hospital I go.
Sometimes for a week or two, depending on if I heal to slow.
There you lay all alone hooked up to wires and tubes.
Hoping someone will just stop by to visit with you.
^
Cindy, this takes me back to when my son was poorly and spent 6 months in hospital. The days were so long and I just wished for the days when someone would care enough to visit or send a card. I recall my best friend of the time didn't even visit, not once. This hurt a lot!

I don't know how much more I can stand to lose.
I could handle the illness when I still had you,
You made things so easy for me to do.
Never a mean word did you say,
you made me happy to see a new day!
Since you died everyone has turned away.
^
Oh Cindy, this is too sad. I can't imagine the pain of loosing someone so close and having to deal with a 'chronical illness'. You are amazing!

My dogs are always friends to me.
They follow wherever I go.
So I sit and wish for the life I had,
The one that was happy and never sad.
To be alone and chronically ill.
^
Dogs and other pets seem to come to the rescue to many a person in a similar situation. They do not see the disability, or the visual impact. No, they see a friend who they invest in and who invests in them.

Cindy, reading this has given me a small glimpse into your life. I wish you all the best always.

Take care,

Michael - ((Hugs)) xx

This is so sad, it makes me so sad to know this is what you go through, and i wish i could be that friend for you to be there to talk to in the night and to make sure you felt cared for and loved.

your strength inspires me and just amazes me how you get through each day and manage to write these amazing poems.

you are an angel... and if you read this... please know that you have reached out to one person and helped them more than you know.... me xx

This was an excellent write, I'm just sorry it has to be true.
The wording and imagery were well described and I enjoyed reading this.

It is so sad the hand we are dealt. I do not know the pain you feel on an emotional or physical level, I just know it must be horrible. I want you to know that you could never be a burdon to me because it makes me happy to know that you are doing as good as possible in body, mind and spirit. Therefore, it gives me personal satisfaction to know that you have everything you nees and you will in no way ever possibly be a burdon to me!!!!!

I love your poems. I focus always on lives people go through and your situation is one I will not forget. This poem is straight forward and direct, I admire your talent and your ways of expressing yourself. It is best for you to write about what you're going through, I can really see how much things mean to you, especially your husband, I send to you my sympathies.