My First

How can I be so full of pain and yet so numb to the world?
How can I want love and yet only feel hate?
Why do I smile when all I want is to cry?
Am I my own undoing? Do I wish for something I cannot have?
Why do I remember all that torments me?
Where has all of my happiness gone?
How can time heal my wounds if waiting is only taking my sanity?
I knew love, but it has brought me only misery.
I knew happiness, but it has brought me only regrets.
I knew trust, but it has brought me only insecurity.
Am I the answer to my questions, or is all my suffering blameless?