This pain explodes inside me, tears stream from my eyes and a heart wrenching noise escapes my lips.
I cant even explain what i feel, what i need to know.
I try, and you don't understand, my pain makes it worse for me, my pain makes me understand i was only desperately hoping, that i was stupid and let myself die again.
I cant stop crying, why do i have to love you? why cant i let you go? Forget about you and pretend like you never existed?
Why do i have to cry? Why cant i stop loving you? Why cant i get out what i need to know?
Its because I'm scared ill be hurt again, like tonight, i tried so hard to get it out, to say it, to ask, and when i finally managed, i felt so stupid, something inside me told me the answer before you could even part your lips.
Something told me when i heard you say,jokingly, "you know i hate you right now right?" and i quickly put in, "No, never mind."
I quickly ended the call afterwords, saying id talk to you tomorrow, but i wont, i don't want to talk to you anymore.
Talking to you only makes my pain worse, makes me see how wrong i was.Thats why i told you that remembering things you once said made me realize not to say anything.
God I'm still in love with you, why cant you see that? Why do i have to even think for a second you loved me back?
I sit here now in the dark, crying,wishing i had just been silent, because i know next time we speak, you wont acknowledge what i asked, and if i apologize, all you'll say is that its ok, and move on.
But you don't get it, its not ok, it will never be ok. You have never been in love, you don't know how i feel, you don't know why i cry myself to sleep.
You don't know how it feels to have something burning inside you, something screaming to be released, and not be able to let it out. Not know how to put it into words.
You've never loved me, you don't know why i scream at night, and you don't know how it feels to die piece by piece every night.
