What IF?

by Sweet lig   Dec 7, 2006


What if the morning sun refuse to rise,
And the moon wouldn't shine in the night?

What if a season's may adversely rearrange,
And the tide wouldn't change?

What if the rain pours a stone,
And the wind wouldn't blow?

What if the rainbow appeared at night,
And the stars wouldn't spark?

What if the birds can't fly,
And the fish wouldn't swim?

Full of what IF's?
What if all of this will happen,
What will you do?

hmm...i do not know
How to end this poet
But all i know.......

What if,....
I turn off my computer,
And i will end it here.....

===hehe, i am just trying to write a funny poems and i don't think if it is fun, well actually i don't know how to write about fun so i need some compliments and i never offended any negative comments i will appreciate it, at least i heard somebody's opinion. anyway thanks==

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Bugg

    I thought this was cute, but not as funny as I thought it'd be. I thought you're idea was quite good, however. The ending seemed a little cut off. Other than that, it was pretty good. :P

  • 16 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    IF all those things were to happen... I dont know what people would do. think it was the end of the world?? lol
    i have a few thoughts to make this poem better
    "What if a season's may adversely rearrange,"
    change to
    "What if the seasons adversely rearranged,"

    and
    "What if the birds can't fly,
    And the fish wouldn't swim?"
    change to
    "What if the birds couldn't fly,
    And the fish couldn't swim?"

    also
    "What if all of this will happen,
    what will you do?"
    change to
    "What if all of this happened?
    what would you do?"

    and
    "How to end this poet"
    i think you meant to say
    "How to end this poem"

    i know its a lot. but its just what i thought needed fixing.

    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    What if the rainbow appeared at night,
    And the stars wouldn't spark?
    [[I loved this line.]]

    Take off the last two stanzas, and put it in "Nature" and it will work a lot better. Promise. =]

    Not too bad at all, save for those two last lines. Keep it up; description and imagination in you are very good.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

  • 17 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Hehehehe yah actually im still thinking how can i put an ending of this poet.. but thanks for the compliments i really appreciate..

  • 17 years ago

    by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

    I think i should attempt one lol but id make a mess of it its harder i htink than normal poetry lol ;D

    xxx alex xxx

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