Comments : New Years

  • 17 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    I've read shorter (haiku for instance) plus I agree there is nothing more to be said here.
    If you don't mind I am going to paste your poem here and comment on individual parts. Any parts which I have an improvement suggestion for will have * around them. General comments will just appear after the line.

    "New year, new fear," - great starting line!

    you *arnt* here, I cant catch that tear

    (Should be aren't)

    A new chance, a new time
    Another problem, another rhyme
    A new chance to change,

    "Look at your life and rearrange"
    - This line seems a bit forced to rhyme with the previous line.

    The snow, the lights,
    The cries the tears the fights
    New years eve, almost alone

    "Empty bottle and a telephone" - loved this line!

    You arent on the other end
    You arent that same old friend

    "I dont understand it, my bottle might"
    - I liked how you seem to hint that the bottle can understand you more than anyone else.

    Have another drink and wage this fight
    Because *youre* a million miles away

    Should be "you're," it just makes it better grammar. Also, you may want to check the rest of the poem for other missing apostrophes.

    Thanks for sharing, I liked this overall.

    "Because I asked you to stay."
    - Sad but effective ending.

  • 17 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This poem is really good bro, I can relate to this poem big time,it's difficult to overcome but it makes us stronger in the end amazing bro 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Lyndsay Kalyta

    Good on ya kid! ummm. where to begin, I know for a fact that this new year's, this is how I'm gonna be spending my night, seriously. Wow, this touched me, hard core...you're good for your age!