Have Her Refused

Sick with shame
Lost the game
All to blame
Fault on my shoulders making me feel

Hell is the only card I can deal
Agony is my only seal
One more mark that will never heal
And a few more lies to conceal
The truth you couldn't even steal

Letting go
Done with the show
I just want you all to know
I'm sorry for the pain but now you must choose

Are you gonna stay by a body broken and bruised
Look at a friend you have that's so confused
Listen as every breath in her lungs is slowly defused
Look around to see who now is mused
And when she asks for death will you be the angel to have her refused

There's thoughts in me
Demons that spread out larger than the biggest sea
The beauty I once held has taken it's leave
And it's ripped straight to the core

Pushed me out the entrance door
Wracking my brains at trying to find a cure
Jumping through obstacles trying to find an answer to this heart sore
I look through the mirror my own body a display of gore
This life of mine no longer pure

A way with words
Spewing vile and watching it swerve
Bounce off of you than set to return after bumping against the curb
Failure at its greatest height

Dirty and pathetic that's all in my sight
Beaten and finally collapsing at night
Filled with smiles that are so bright
Disguised my whole self during the day light
I've fallen so far down I've lost all energy and might

Shaken to a point where I'm completely dizzy
Lost the will, the want, the hunger to become who I'm destined to be
And I'm noticing that I'm missing every day more and more pieces of me
Slowly I'm disintegrating into the nothing what stands before you

Speaking just to speak, nothing is true
I'm dazed and I don't know what to do
I smiled when I watched my gray skies turn blue
And almost died as I watched the colors change hues
And again I was down and out without a clue

You told me you loved but you told me too late
Now your heart has to wait
I've gone through this for far too long
Your the one that's made me this strong
I had to put up an invincible wall
That not even you could get to fall
I had to be the strength whenever anyone was weak
Had to be the encouragement when anyone thought they were beat
And upon doing that, I screwed myself over
And pulled the weight of the world on my shoulders
Now paranoia has sunk down and is held within
And this life I am now accepting, is purely sin

Copyright, Taylor Brown, 2006-09-28