Perforating The Construction

Slowly disappearing
Falling faster toward disaster
Loosened my grip
Down I go
What will happen
I don't know
Adventure calls to me
The devil now my king
His melodic voice beckons me
Teaching me how to sin
Lost and confused
Beaten and bruised
Pushed to fall
Urged to stay down
Gravity holds me here
My heart no longer cares
About anything
Hushing the tears
The screams
The fears
The years I've wasted
The tears I've tasted
It's nothing
Now it's all just another day
I'm alive
But for how long
Who's the one to tell me
When I'm to lose my life
Could it be tomorrow
Could it be tonight
Just don't know and
I'm scared
To think that I may be gone
Before dawn tomorrow
Fills my body and soul with sorrow
Maybe I won't make it to being a wife
Won't make it to twenty-one
No one knows
That's what's eerie
Who's the one to decide
And if there is someone that decides my death
Doesn't that categorize them as a murderer
When I'm gone
What will be left
A lifeless body
A few tainted memories
Stained hearts
Drained souls
Doubt it
My spirit won't live on forever
Eventually it will fade and die
And everyone will forget about me
One day too
And I'll have left all of you
Cascading in my own free fall
Swirling in circles
Dizziness is an understatement
Shielding myself behind an invincible wall
That's aimed to fall
Fighting back the water works
That belly flop down my face
Disgrace and shame
Another level to the game
Another chapter in a book
Another chord to sheet music
Another song without a hook
Another poem's line without a rhyme
That twinkle in my eye
Gone
That sparkle in my smile
Vanished
The twist is returning
Razors dance along my wrist
Pressure
Release
Pressure
Release
Such a tease
Fist punching barbed wire
Words racing through my head
Burning away at my flesh
Like a fire's blaze eating away at paper
The flames killing me
Quickly
I've fallen victim
But to what I'm not so sure
I'm down on my knees
I'm screaming for help
I'm begging someone
Please
My voice is cracking
My eyes are dimming
This battle that I thought I was winning
Has taken me through so many turns
That I've turned myself out wrong
I've learned that I'm not too strong
I'm striding without expression
Straight across broken glass
Pain shooting through my body
But I force it to pass
I don't allow myself to grow
Or stray away from the coldness
Or the blankness in my eyes
Holding me together
Strengthening my cries
Words perforating the construction
Of who you see
Lies coating me
Penetrating silences
Frozen staring at
Mere reflections to these memories
Of happy days
And dream filled nights
When sleep came easy
And I wasn't fighting insomnia
Holding on to keep a sense of security
Of which I never really had
Breathing in
Breathing out
This air familiarity
Not again
I had sworn
I had vowed to be okay
That I would be fine
No longer would I have reason
To always whine
Anxiety is taking pieces of me
And pulling it all apart
Ripping fragments of my heart
Floating high
Crashing down
Flying by
Smashing to the ground
Close my eyes
Forget what's happening all around
Take a long
Needed breath
Pull up from my deadly low
And
Just
Let
Go

Copyright, Taylor Brown, 2006-10-09