Paper Make-Believe {Terzanelle}

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Dec 9, 2006


This is about a girl who is drawing a picture. She thinks the picture she was drawing is real, and falls in love with it... Then, realizes it is only 'Paper Make-Believe'...
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Creating perfect creations-
Across the paper my hand flies.
Creating perfect creations-
My heart pounding-thoughts supplied.
Suddenly, the pictures dance alive.
Across the paper my hand flies,
From my drawings life is derived.
Motioning to me for a dance,
Suddenly, the pictures dance alive,
And with my pictures fell in love by glance.
Before my hand are hands to caress,
Motioning to me for a dance.
Take his hand to actually test-
It's sadly make-believe.
Before my hands are hands to caress.
Folding my hands in my lap I see,
Creating perfect creations-
It's saddly only make-believe.
Creating perfect creations.

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The Terzanelle is a 19-line poem consisting of five interlocking triplets plus a concluding quatrain
in which the first and third lines of the first triplet appear as refrains. The middle line of each triplet
is a repetend reappearing as the last line of the succeeding triplet with the exception of the center
line of the next-to-the-last stanza which appears in the quatrain. The rhyme and refrain scheme
for the triplets is as follows:

1. A
2. B
3. A
4. b
5. C
6. B
7. c
8. D
9. C
10. d
11. E
12. D
13. e
14. F
15. E
16. f
17. A or F
18. F or A
19. A

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Bridget

    That was brilliant! the start was so exhilarating and made me read faster cos i wanted to know what happened next.. then the end was sad how it was only make believe. But poems that get u wanting to know what happens next, are really really good!! and that had perfect flow and rhyming.. another great poem.. well done 5/5 xxox

    P.S i will try and r/r/c your last poem asap!

  • 18 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I liked this.
    I thought the idea behind the poem was wonderful, really unique.
    The imagery that you used was fantastic.

  • 18 years ago

    by anna

    Wow... thats awesome!! excellent write! i love it!! thank you!! keep writtin plz!!! :)

  • 18 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    I see now, that it was the form of writing terzanelle... Im not a big fan of it. Sorry I didnt read that part :P so yeah it was okay for the repeats in it then. Again.. not sure if i like terzanelle...

  • 18 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Alright. Some lines didn't smooth over too great, some were too long some were too short. You use the same rhymes over and over.

    Other than that

    Great story, you could have made it a little longer maybe, But you described everything pretty good. It didnt really suck me in as your other poems do.

    Let me show you:

    Creating perfect creations- (It sounds too redundant, maybe put drawing perfect creations... it just doesnt flow correctly)
    Across the paper my hand flies.
    Creating perfect creations- (again, and you repeat the rhyme)
    My heart pounding-thoughts supplied. (it doesnt make sense... you think: what the heck)
    Suddenly, the pictures dance alive. (I loved this line)
    Across the paper my hand flies, (you repeat again)
    From my drawings life is derived. (comma after drawings)
    Motioning to me for a dance, (Little confusing maybe try.. something else... great thought though)
    Suddenly, the pictures dance alive, (repeat)
    And with my pictures fell in love by glance. (too long)
    Before my hand are hands to caress, (doesn't make sense)
    Motioning to me for a dance. (repeat)
    Take his hand to actually test-
    It's sadly make-believe. (too short.. maybe try: It's all sadly make-believe)
    Before my hands are hands to caress. (repeat)
    Folding my hands in my lap I see,
    Creating perfect creations- (repeat)
    It's saddly only make-believe. (sadly*)
    Creating perfect creations. (repeat)

    I don't believe in rating lower than five... but if I were I would give you a 3.5.

    Sorry Sheena I really thought it would have been better. You have written beautiful poems. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, You are really a great poet.

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