Questionable Stability

Space and time give way to me.
Hours spent pondering constantly.
Being alone, I've no alternative.
Give in to sorrow and related motives.

With unrestricted time, thoughts flow astray;
Recalling regrets of yesterday;
The failures today secure a bitter tomorrow;
I'm helpless amidst the fray of morbid sorrow.

Like a fragmented dream, the world progresses.
I'm forced to follow by ghostly caresses.
Each blink greeted by a different world before me.
Change is the constant in this monotony.

I'm simply too slow to be a worthy combatant.
My shortcomings endear me to be hesitant.
In passive manner, I'm victimized by my own aggression.
I suffer in anguish without learning my lesson.

Without a doubt, loneliness is my greatest contributor.
Without comfort of company, I'm a heretic arbiter.
There lives a mystic within that foretells my misfortune.
I'm left to choose how to rendezvous with my doom.

The lingering thoughts I hold, though absurd;
Have disillusioned paranoia, but not unheard.
These notions I render, that verse me harbors conspiracy,
Have affected my heart; joy, love, intimacy.

Sleepless: There's drama role play of the "would- and "could be".
Helpless to believe false evidence my mind presents me.
The tainted Muse proctors trials and tribulations,
Subconsciously paving the road to self-crucifixion.

O, woe; My entity is filled with dread.
What the next dawn brings to pollute my head.
This ability; this curse I'm obliged with.
Has fatigued and destroyed my will to live.

What's beyond my reach; in the distant horizon?
Of which is foreboding, specked with charcoal and deep crimson.
To die for illusions based only on fiction.
Is escape through death the last course awarded vindication?

Exists a loathe for the illustrious fabrications of my mind.
Destruction of love, of trust; my heart simply complies.
No fairy tale ending, no sweet lullaby.
Just pain from the heat of the tears I cry.

Alone in the deafening silence I break.
My mind skillfully blends truth and sin incarnate.
How much longer before I will myself to die?
How much longer before I'm destroyed by my mind?