Bath Water

All i can picture is you in the sun,
wondering where this went wrong.
my feet have hit the floor and i,
i can feel the breaking point.
this time i'm caught between
what i wish for, and everything i need.
but right now i wish i had what i needed.
to be precious.

don't scrape excuses from the bottom of the barrel.
give yourself away.
let's not rush into round two.
i'm only prepared for less of you.

i've never been so angry to find out,
that everything i put in failed.
i'm breathless beneath the window,
and it's beginning to get to me,
that i know more about geography,
than i do about what's in my head.
these cold waters will keep us apart,
it really is that far.

i could stay away forever without even trying,
i'm pretty sure.
when i understand this a little better,
i'll break every rule i ever made.

all i want to play is the saddest songs,
because they get me nowhere.
and i'm not quite strong enough to move.
these pictures are reverberating,
scenes that i forgot about.
i kind of wish that they'd stayed lost.
reminding me comes at a cost,
that i'm not quite willing to pay
i'm not ready to feel this way.

you're all i really want, but i don't want to fight.
take my hand.
let it drop and i'll be alright,
it's just this feeling i have tonight.

i'm breathing away this fear for you.
it's heavy and irrational,
but it feels like warmth on the back of my neck.
and i'm sorry that it's come to this,
you're the only one i miss.
but i couldn't handle anything more,
anything more than a brawl.
i had to leave.

i feel like i'm watching all this happen from space,
an unfamiliar place.
but i can't see for the chaos inside,
my harrowed crystal eyes.

my lips are blue with the thought of you.
we grew up, we grew apart.
the finish line was a great place to start.
i wish that time would replace itself.
but it won't and i'm cold.
this isn't the ending i was looking for.
one day i'll achieve so much more.
than a broken promise and fifteen used packets.

have a drink and have a cigarette for me, won't you?
guard the door.
one last time won't do any harm.
happy birthday, wherever you are.