Not bad. Not bad at all. You may lack some fluidity, but all in all, I think you did a great job. Especially for your first poem... It is not that deep, though, yet ejoyable still. Very enjoyable. 4/5

Wow, i thought that your poem was rather well.

Hey. i thought it was very good, and for ur first poem it was great. You'll get better and better. so keep writing

That was awsome for your first poem, i think you did it rather well :) 5/5 keep on writting..i'll try and keep reading
auna

Argh, i must correct my self: i meant that it has some depth, but it could be improved... Sorry, i had a millon things on my mind...